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Tools for Marriage…We All Need 'em!

Posted by Eric Rust on

This past weekend, I had the privilege of speaking on the topic of marriage. I have such a passion to see marriages thrive and be healthy…it’s one of my favorite subjects. The response to the topic was…overwhelming!

Why? Marriage isn’t easy. If you’re married, you’ve made more messes in your marriage than you can count. From talking to lots of couples over the years, and from my own experience, 90% of the time, the mess boils down to this…communication!

See if this sounds familiar --

He says: “What did you make for dinner?”

She hears: “I’m tired of the same old food!”

She says: “What time will you get home from work?”

He hears: “Hurry up and get home—you’re not here enough.”

This is called the Crazy Cycle. Emerson Eggerichs says, “When a husband feels disrespected, it is especially hard to love his wife. When a wife feels unloved, it is especially hard to respect her husband.” (Love and Respect, Eggerichs)

In the Crazy Cycle, spouses talk past each other instead of with each other. Husbands and wives both need love and respect. But Eggerichs suggests that a wife’s primary need is to be loved, while a husband’s primary need is to be respected. Unfortunately, men aren’t the best at knowing how to love, and women aren’t the best at knowing how to respect.

Can you see the tension?!

To stop the Crazy Cycle, Eggerichs describes an Energizing Cycle where a husband’s love motivates his wife’s respect, and a wife’s respect motivates her husband’s love. As husbands and wives choose to put their spouse’s needs above their own, they fuel the Energizing Cycle.

“No matter how desperate or hopeless a marriage may seem, if husband and wife both have basic goodwill in their hearts, they can stop the Crazy Cycle,” promises Eggerichs.

Cedar Hills has a tool to help you get better at this. At the first of three Tools for Marriage events this month, you can learn more about the Love and Respect approach to marriage. Whether your marriage is doing great, your marriage is struggling, or your marriage is somewhere in between, Tools for Marriage offers practical help for building your marriage.

Here are the important details:

Tools for Marriage

Two dates to choose from:

  • Thursday, March 16 (6-7p.m., sorry, no childcare available)
  • March 19 (12:15-1:15pm, childcare available with pre-registration)

To pre-register for childcare (March 19th only), click  (include name/age of each child).


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